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home : columnists : dick wolfsie June 28, 2017


Howdy, column readers
I turned 70 this year. And so did a 10-year-old freckled little boy named Howdy Doody. For those too young to remember, The Howdy Doody Show debuted in 1947, its star a convivial wooden marionette whose human partner in the show, Buffalo Bob Smith, lived in my hometown of New Rochelle, New York.
Saturday, June 24, 2017
No humans allowed down under
My home office is downstairs, which was just a cellar when we moved into the house 25 years ago. We invested a little money to fix it up, so then it became a basement. I guess you could call it a finished basement. But apparently it wasn't finished, because the builder we hired said that for a few extra bucks he could add some decorative touches and then we could call it our lower level. We didn't have "that" kind of money.
Wednesday, June 21, 2017
Not bummed out!
Last week I had the honor of presenting to Carl Erskine the Heritage Place Award, given to six senior Hoosiers each year for their lifetime service to the Indianapolis community. For those who don't recognize the name, Carl is a retired banker from Anderson, Indiana. He also previously pitched for the Brooklyn Dodgers team that won their first-and only-World Series in l955.
Wednesday, June 14, 2017
Toasted and roasted
"Are you sitting down?" my sister asked, calling from New York.

"I'm 70 years old," I said. "It's a pretty good bet that I am sitting any time you call."

"Well, you need to hear this. Our brother is about to do something a 66-year-old man seldom does at this point in his life."

Saturday, June 10, 2017
I'm one of the 'kneedy' people
As soon as Mary Ellen made plans for our last vacation, I made an appointment with the orthopedist. My left knee was killing me and I didn't want to be a drag on our daily activities. My knee problem goes back to an old football injury in college. I was drunk and fell out of the stands during Homecoming.

When I arrived at my appointment, I asked why my former doctor had unexpectedly retired.

Wednesday, May 31, 2017
Letter perfect
There should be a law against having phone numbers that denote words instead of, well, numbers. Hello! It's a phone number, not a phone word. I hosted a TV segment last week for a national organization that is dedicated to educating people about a common, but potentially serious, illness. Their phone number spells the name of the disease.
Wednesday, May 17, 2017
Biting humor
Arriving in my mailbox today was the mid-spring edition of the Hammacher Schlemmer gift catalog, packed with previously advertised items they still can't unload (which I have probably made fun of in past columns), along with some brand new items I am about to skewer.
Sunday, April 30, 2017
Sleep discussion revived
Remember Arshid Chowdhury? I wrote about him years ago when he invented something called a sleep pod, a high-tech structure that can still be seen in several airports around the country. Crawl into the enclosure, and you can catch 40 winks in the middle of the day for about 20 bucks, or about 50 cents a wink. (Before we all got so politically correct, I'd have made a funny joke about my reputation of innocently-and inexpensively-flirting with the ladies.
Wednesday, April 19, 2017
Death by cookie? First ever Oreo-related lawsuit filed
We hear a lot about frivolous lawsuits, but we don't hear nearly enough about the delicious ones, so here's a tasty bit of gossip: A guy from Kentucky is suing the company that makes Oreo cookies. He asserts that Oreos are slowly killing him. So what's the problem? This sounds like a fun way to die.
Wednesday, April 12, 2017
Yellow Journalism
The nice lady offering free samples at Costco asked if I wanted to actually buy a box of the quiche I was nibbling on (after I had eaten six pieces). I'm kind of a health nut, so I didn't purchase any; they just had way too much sodium and saturated fat.

An hour later, my Costco cart was laden with soft drinks, garbage bags, a snow tire and a year's supply of salsa.

Wednesday, April 5, 2017



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