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home : columnists : dick wolfsie March 25, 2017


Grand vacation, redux
Mary Ellen is planning our 2017 summer vacation. She wants to go to the Canadian Rockies. I get nervous about trips like this. Sometimes we get on each other's nerves when we travel together and it looks like this time we're going to have a particularly rocky start...and finish.

Back in 2007, we took a trip to the Grand Canyon, the only place in America where you're allowed to drag your kid to the precipice of one of the world's deepest chasms, but they put you in the slammer if you feed a squirrel.

Wednesday, March 22, 2017
Ants in the pants
I gave my wife a Fitbit this past Christmas. In her attempt to reach that 10,000-step goal, she is continually checking the wristband and monitoring her progress. The other day I walked into the living room and she was shaking her arms wildly back and forth while watching TV. "What are you doing?" I asked.
Monday, March 13, 2017
Richard, The Goodhearted
Richard Simmons has not been seen in public in a long time. Here is my memory of our friendship with the hope he is doing well.

It was the fall of 1983 in Indianapolis, and I remember doing the classic comedy double-take, snapping my head to the side as I looked incredulously at the cover of The Globe newspaper, one of several trashy tabloids at supermarket check-outs.

Thursday, March 9, 2017
The Proof Is in the Putting!
Happy 15th (fifteenth?) anniversary to Heidi. Heidi is my proofreader (proof-reader?). Everything I've written for the last 15 (fifteen?) years is first sent to her via e-mail (email?) to make sure there are no spelling or usage errors. This week she is very busy with an out of town (out-of-town?) commitment, so I'm doing my own proofing. If I said I wasn't nervous, well that would be a bald-faced (bold-faced?) lie.
Wednesday, February 22, 2017
That was out of line (dancing)
"Seriously," I responded to Mary Ellen, "in the middle of the afternoon? At our age? You must be kidding."

"Why not? If we wait till evening, you'll just fall asleep. Take your little blue pill and let's get going."

So I took an Aleve for my arthritis and we headed out for a class in line dancing.

We were in Florida with our friends Joy and Steve. I figured it was Joy who dragged Steve along to the community center for these lessons, but Steve tells Joy he loves the activity.

Friday, February 17, 2017
I don't envy phlebotomists
I had blood drawn the other day. I don't envy phlebotomists. Imagine having a job where everyone hates you for what you are about to do, and the first thing you say to the person is "make a fist." Plus, when she tells people she's a phlebotomist, a lot of her patients think she has six husbands.
Monday, February 6, 2017
All the news that's fit to sprint
I recently made the biggest gift-giving mistake of my life. I got Mary Ellen a Fitbit for Christmas. My wife has become somewhat of a health nut, which I should clarify, includes eating about six varieties of healthful nuts. She has wanted to keep track of her walking. I am not a walker myself. Truth is, I have walked back several promises I made when we first got married, as well as three 2017 New Year's resolutions. That's about as much exercise as I'm comfortable with.
Thursday, February 2, 2017
Tents moment
There are more sad clown faces than usual at Ringling Brothers Barnum and Bailey Circus this month. RBBB, The Greatest Show on Earth, is closing after 146 years.

No one is sadder or more shocked by the news than Don West of Fishers, Indiana. Don owns one of the premier collections of carnival and circus memorabilia in the Midwest. His lower level is filled with eye candy for anyone who has ever ridden a roller coaster, seen a sideshow, or gone to a circus.

Tuesday, January 24, 2017
More about Art
In 2005, famed political humorist Art Buchwald entered hospice in Washington, DC.

Last week, I described how I first met Mr. Buchwald in l967 in an encounter that lasted a mere two minutes. I was a 22-year-old college kid who read his feature every day in the Washington Post. He was one of the most successful syndicated humorist in the world. As he read my own column in his office, a flick of his wrist over my byline in my school newspaper made an indelible impression on me.

Tuesday, January 17, 2017
ART of HUMOR
(Note: This month marks 10 years since the passing of famed political humorist Art Buchwald. In 2006 I wrote about our first meeting in 1967 and our final goodbye almost 40 years later.)



When I first wrote this column in 2006, Art Buchwald was in hospice. He wanted to spend his final days with friends and family. This is my memory of the first time our paths crossed.

From my very first day of college in September of 1965 at George Washington University in Washington, DC, I wanted to meet Art Buchwald. His office, on Pennsylvania Avenue, was just down the street from my dorm.

Tuesday, January 10, 2017



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