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  • What it would be like if someone narrated a day in the lives of the Wolfsies
    3/20/2020 Cable TV services come with a variety of options, and many of the features are beneficial to people who are challenged in one way or another. There is closed captioning for folks who are hearing impaired. It’s also great for men who have perfectly good hearing but are married to women who like British mystery series. Without captioning, these poor guys wouldn’t have a clue what the actors are saying.
  • When things get a little schticky during some wacky interviews
    3/6/2020 This is my 40th year working in television. Seems like just yesterday I had no idea which camera to look into and no clue what I was going to say next. Wait, that WAS yesterday!
    After conducting almost 5,000 interviews, it’s tough to name my favorites. Several standouts involved some shtick, which is a glorious Yiddish word that connotes comic theatrics, a gimmick, or a set-up to temporarily fool the audience.
  • Pivot, twist, turn and head right on out the door
    2/28/2020 We returned this past week from visiting good friends in Florida. We reminisced about our last vacation there several years ago, when a bad rainstorm prevented us from enjoying the nearby beach. Steve had an idea—something we could do as couples.
    "Seriously," I asked Steve, "in the middle of the afternoon? At our age? You must be kidding."
  • Watt an experience it is shopping for others
    2/21/2020 I hate going shopping for my wife. I don’t mean searching for a gift; I’m talking about running an errand. I never, ever find exactly what she wants, and I often bring home the wrong thing. Then I have to go back to the store. I can’t even get milk right.
  • I’m so sorry the place is such a mess…
    2/15/2020 Last weekend, some friends called at the last minute to ask if they could drop by. Panic set it in. We had a lot of areas to straighten. We both learned this skill from our mothers (as I’m sure you did). Mom was always telling me to straighten my room. Straightening was simply rearranging the clutter, with no suggestion that anything was to be discarded. When you're a kid, you learn that hiding stuff is the fastest way to clean up.
    Of course, no matter how successful we were going to be at making order out of the chaos, the first thing my wife was going to say when our friends arrived was the obligatory, “I am so sorry—the place is such a mess.”
  • Rooting for prey or for predator
    2/7/2020 Are you a rooter? Do you root for your favorite teams? Have you searched for your roots? Have you rooted out any evil? We are all rooters in one way or another. Both Mary Ellen and I usually root for the underdog. That’s why she chose to marry me, despite all her other more acceptable suitors. Mary Ellen also roots for other under-animals. Let me explain…
    On Sunday nights we have a tradition in the Wolfsie family. Our son Brett comes over and after dinner we all watch one of the many nature shows on WFYI or the BBC. We are especially captivated by those programs narrated by Sir Richard Attenborough. His voice is mesmerizing. The video clips of predatory animals, birds, fish and insects are enthralling.
  • Complexity in password security and paranoia
    1/31/2020 A few of my wife’s New Year’s resolutions are just about killing me. I’ve hidden all the sharp knives, blunt instruments and dry-cleaning bags, however, so I think I am going to be okay.
    Her first resolution was to take a class at our local library about technology safety, like how to create hard-to-hack passwords. As soon as she got home, just for practice, she changed the code number on the garage door touchpad, and then she went shopping. I wrote this column on my cell phone, sitting in the car in front of our house. I hoped she wrote the new code down. I was freezing.
  • Prevention magazine almost prevented us from leaving
    1/23/2020 My wife is planning our 40th anniversary vacation to Iceland. She anticipates all potential problems. That’s why she made me re-read an article from Prevention magazine, which several years ago scared me so much I wanted to cancel our 25th anniversary trip to Germany.
    TRAVELER’S DIARRHEA: In this section we learn that seven out of ten travelers experience this, which is why requests for aisle seats outnumber those for window seats on most overseas flights. An infectious disease specialist says, “Many people have been de-railed by this problem.” I am sure even more have been de-planed and de-boated.
  • All of the New Year’s resolutions others need to make
    1/17/2020 The twenties have begun. I know I’m supposed to make New Year’s resolutions to better myself, but I never do. I’m just not very good at self-improvement. There are plenty of other people out there who could resolve to make Dick Wolfsie’s life simpler and less stressful. For example:
    I ask that everyone who will ever be in front of me in line at Dunkin’ Donuts resolves not to spend three minutes deciding on whether they want the 13th donut to be Chocolate Creme or Blueberry Glazed.
  • The Jacks I've known in my life
    1/9/2020 My entire life, people have been saying, “Dick, you don’t know Jack.” Actually, I do. In fact, I know dozens of Jacks. So does my wife. And she has a crush on about six of them.
    Apparently, screenwriters and producers find the name Jack to be very rugged sounding, but as I was growing up, most of the Jacks I knew of possessed questionable masculinity. One Jack in particular couldn’t even navigate climbing a hill, and ended up with a head injury, all in an effort to hydrate himself and his girlfriend, Jill.
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