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  • 4/13/2019 I’ve been trying to find recent photos of myself to post on Facebook that accurately reflect my current age. We got out some scrapbooks that featured shots of us during a few recent vacations.
    I found a really flattering one and I couldn’t help but comment to Mary Ellen that I thought I looked pretty good, maybe 10 years younger than my actual 72 years. My wife agreed completely, and then she skipped to the next photo from our cruise.
    “Who’s the old man gobbling down that giant sausage sandwich?” I asked.
    “That old man would be you, Dick.”
    “That can’t be me. That guy looks 85.”
    “You just didn’t take a very good picture that day.”
  • 4/6/2019 For many years, I have neglected my hobbies. Sure, I like to read and work crossword puzzles, but these are not really hobbies. When my wife and I go on vacation we enjoy zip-lining, parasailing and windsurfing, but there is just so much of that you can watch before it gets very tiring.
    This year I made a New Year’s resolution to learn some new skills. I made it in March, which is odd because one of my other resolutions was not to procrastinate anymore. My goal was to have four new interests or activities that would fill the free time I now have since cutting back on my full-time job as a reporter.
    I’m taking a class in boxing. This is a weird thing for me to do because in 72 years I have never hit anyone and, as I told Aaron, my instructor, I have no plans to ever do that. The course is one hour each week and I am doing it with my son. I’m glad I waited until Brett was an adult to share this experience, because no man wants to be decked by his seven-year-old kid. 
  • 3/30/2019 Was it my ego, laziness, or just a deceptive nature? I had resisted this action for several years, but it was finally time: I decided to update my Facebook picture. I also updated my bio pictures on the WISH-TV website. These were not photos of who Dick Wolfsie is; these were photos of who Dick Wolfsie was.
    In one replaced photo, I was standing in front of Market Square Arena. In another I was holding my dog, Barney (who has been gone since 2004), and there was one of me with the late Mayor Hudnut at an Indians game at Bush Stadium. I looked great back in the ’90s. (Author’s note: that would be the 1990’s, not the 1890’s)
  • 3/23/2019 Humor is helpful in combating stress, but I believe grumpiness has it virtues, as well. In this column, I will outline for you the things that make me grouchy. They might be small, insignificant annoyances, but those are the best ones to get cranky about. I save humor for when I really need it.
    I am tired of my Facebook notifications telling me things like:  Suzanne Crowder has commented on Joe Rosen’s post about Bill Roman’s meme. I don’t know Suzanne and I have no clue who Joe and Bill are. How annoying is that? No comment.
    I can go into the dollar store and buy 50 zip-lock bags for a buck, but the cheapskates at Post and General Mills can’t find a lousy two cents to put their Cheerios and Wheaties into a re-sealable plastic pouch inside their cardboard boxes. The only individuals who think the current packaging is just fine are tiny black ants.
  • 3/16/2019 If there’s something on the market that might make my life a little easier, you can bet I’m going to try it. My interest was piqued when I saw a product on Amazon called the EZ Cracker, which is a nifty little mechanism that (the manufacturer claims) takes all the work and mess out of cracking eggs.
    I’ve always had a good relationship with eggs. I’m an over-easy kind of guy, and as a kid my basket always had the biggest haul on Easter morning. But now I was starting to worry. According to the website, breaking raw eggs on the sides of bowls and countertops has had some tragic consequences. Now, for a mere $17.95, I would get a product that guarantees I will never find eggshells in my food again.
  • 3/9/2019 As I mentioned last week, my wife and I are trying to learn a little Spanish in preparation for our trip to South America. When I searched for translation options online, I got this: Cow to English. I’m not kidding. You can look it up on the site “Lingojam.” This is news, I mean moos, you can use.
    We shouldn’t underestimate the tremendous influence that cows have on us. English is full of phrases that reflect our connection with the bovine species. Consider these expressions that have beefed up our language:
    Being put out to pasture
    Milking something for all its worth
    Cash cow...
  • 3/2/2019 Mary Ellen and I are planning a vacation to South America this fall and we decided we both should learn a little Spanish. I ordered a language course on CDs, but I was having serious problems memorizing the vocabulary.
    I came up with an idea. While my wife was shopping, I got a stack of sticky notes and labeled everything in the house, like the chair (la silla), the table (la mesa), the door (la puerta) and the mirror (el espejo). In Spanish, nouns are identified as masculine or feminine. This really confounded me in high school and accounted for my low grades. The teacher told me I had some gender confusion, which was the last thing I needed to hear right before I asked Darla to be my date for the senior prom.
  • 2/23/2019 Back pain is a major problem in this country. It is the second biggest reason that people do not go to work in the morning. The first reason is not having a job.
    I have a longstanding relationship with my back, but ironically, most of my problems come from sitting too long. I read somewhere that while poised at the computer, I should put my butt at the outermost edge of the chair. I tried that, slid off and almost broke my jaw on the keyboard.
    In the past, I’ve written about my healthcare providers, all of whom have tried desperately to counsel me on my sloppy posture. I have a genetic predisposition—sometimes I have pain in dis position, sometimes in dat position. I apologize for da play on words, but if something makes me laugh, it automatically goes in the column.
  • 2/9/2019 It was 7 p.m. Sunday night and Mary Ellen and I were having the same conversation we always have at that time. “Is this the week we put out the recycling?” I asked my wife.
    “No, we put it out last week, didn’t we?”
    “We did, but they didn’t pick it up, so it must be this week.”
    “But I think we put it out too late and we simply missed the truck,” said Mary Ellen. “Well, does anyone else have their recycle bin out?”
    “Yes, Jerry has his out,” I said.
    “You can’t go by him. Jerry puts it out every Monday, Dick. He’s the cause of the confusion every week.”
  • 2/2/2019 This was in the ad I saw last week:
    “The McDonald’s free bacon offer will take place on Jan. 29, 2019. Customers may add bacon to anything for free.”
    Yes, bacon on your fries, in your McFlurry, on your Big Mac, in your back pack, and in one selected drive-thru (on a test basis, only) directly in your mouth.
    Many food-related industries have tried to take advantage of the bacon craze.
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Friday, April 19, 2019

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