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  • Dealing with anxiety and tooth delay
    4/2/2021 Do you know what reentry anxiety is? Mary Ellen read about this condition in the news and asked if I thought I might have it. She explained that many people are nervous about returning to normal behaviors after being quarantined for a year. How exactly does one behave in a post-pandemic world?
    I googled the issue to get more information. According to the first webpage I landed on, virtually all astronauts suffer from this.
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  • Please don’t tell my other tibia about this
    3/26/2021 I’ve always tried to treat my body with respect. However, there have been times when I looked down on my knees (or up, when I am doing sit-ups). Problems started back in college with a traumatic football injury. I was watching the homecoming game and my leg became wedged in the bleachers while I was trying to get a better look at one particular cheerleader.
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  • Present company included in new HS catalog
    3/19/2021 The early spring edition of the Hammacher Schlemmer catalog was in my mailbox, a signal that a middle spring supplement and a late spring supplement will arrive any day now. For those not familiar with the publication, it’s a century-old gift catalog that contains an array of hard-to-find (and often hard to find a use for) gifts. The first edition might still be in your dentist’s lobby.
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  • Hooking up your basic cable is half the fun
    3/12/2021 We miss seeing others in person, but through the magic of Facetime and Zoom we have been able to keep in touch. Most of our friends have been similarly stuck at home, so there isn’t that much to talk about—except movies and TV shows.
    “Hi, Bob and Cathy, it’s Dick and Mary Ellen. Have you seen Your Honor with Bryan Cranston on Showtime? It’s great. Lots to think about.”
    “Sorry guys, we don’t get Showtime. But have you seen Frozen II on Disney+?”
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  • Working with and editing Dick Wolfsie
    3/5/2021 This article was not written by Dick Wolfsie—it was written about Dick Wolfsie. He was having trouble coming up with something to write about this week after being housebound for a year. Humor is based on life and he apparently hasn’t had much of one lately.
    It’s hard to know whether he’s really tried to come up with a topic. Maybe he’s been busy compulsively popping bubble wrap and binge-watching VHS tapes of his old TV segments. I volunteered to be a guest columnist this week so he wouldn’t miss his deadline.
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  • Snow day meant pay day for Wolfsie
    2/26/2021 Last week when the snowstorm hit, I was fortunate to have neighbors who knew that I had a bad knee, a bad back and a cardiologist on retainer. Paul and Eric shoveled our driveway and Noah (Eric’s 10-year-old son) somehow managed to maneuver the snowblower.
    As they finished up about 4:30 in the afternoon, I threw on a coat and went outside to thank them. “Wow,” said Paul, “you are still in your pajama bottoms. You haven’t gotten dressed yet?”
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  • The ban on columns making fun of my wife now lifted
    2/19/2021 I told my wife the other day that the stress of writing a weekly newspaper column was getting to be too much for me. “Look, Mary Ellen, we have been pretty much stuck in the house for a year and there’s nothing left to write about. The other problem is that you put a stop to articles making fun of you. That really makes things more difficult.”
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  • Do you think he knows it’s a thing?
    2/12/2021 A late-night talk-show host commented about the viral spread of the photo of Bernie Sanders wearing his mittens. “I wonder if Bernie knows it’s a thing,” said James Corden. Bernie probably isn’t the most social-media-savvy politician, so this meme could have appeared tens of thousands of times on the Internet before he learned of it.
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  • Tops should always be attached to Tupperware
    2/5/2021 When you are stuck at home due to COVID, it creates opportunities to deal with household issues you wouldn’t normally have time to mess with. I spent a fair amount of time last weekend putting my books on my shelves in alphabetical order. The Dewey Decimal System was no longer working for me (Are you under 50? Please google it.)
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  • Stay humble and attack the ball before it attacks you
    1/29/2021 It was Monday, April 8, 1974, and I decided to play hooky from school. No, I wasn’t a student; I was teaching a night course. The Atlanta Braves were playing a home game against the L.A. Dodgers. Henry Aaron had already hit his 714th home run to tie Babe Ruth’s record. 
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Wednesday, April 14, 2021

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