Garage…Door Openers

I like to putter around the garage. I used to think that this was a sign of getting older, but I’m more convinced than ever that great things happen in garages. If you haven’t started puttering, it’s not too late.  Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak started Apple in a garage. And the people who syndicated…

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Habitual Problems

I don’t want Mary Ellen and me to end up like our friends the Rodmans, who, up until their 40th wedding anniversary, couldn’t keep their mitts off each other, but after returning from celebrating in the Bahamas, they sued each other for divorce. They were so happy they didn’t realize how miserable they were. My…

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MUGGED ON MY BIRTHDAY!

Last month, I celebrated my 79th birthday. My wife and son tried to find me the perfect gift. But I am a very difficult person to shop for. I know this because my mother started telling me this when I was three years old. To help them, I Googled “Gifts for men in their 80s.” I…

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GETTING A LEG UP

My wife walks faster than I do. If I hadn’t broken into a full gallop down the aisle the day we got married, she’d have beaten me to the justice of the peace by a nose. I’ve mentioned this before in this column, but things have gotten much worse and far more embarrassing When we…

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SOAP DUDS

The piece I wrote about my nighttime leg, thigh, and hand cramps generated more emails than any other piece I’ve written. In the column, I complained about this persistent problem and mentioned that I had received a lot of advice from others who also suffered from it. Suggestions included: zinc, vitamin E, turmeric, potassium, vitamin…

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Cramping My Style

I have leg cramps. I know the last thing you want to hear about is the medical problems of some two-bit humorist. Sometimes my calf cramps into a knot at night, and the pain becomes unbearable. My hands also cramp, along with my fingers. Sometimes, it’s my thigh. Keep reading this column; it’s about to…

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NO LAUGHING MATTER

About three months ago, a friend who lives in a nearby state asked if I would be willing to give a presentation to the local hospitals’ laughter club. Apparently, there are quite a few of these around the country. They provide an opportunity for staff and patients to enjoy the true benefits of a good…

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Fix-ated !

My doctor’s office isn’t very modern. I don’t mean the high-tech diagnostic tools in his office. I’m talking about the magazines in the waiting room. Recently, I got the chance to read the last print edition of Newsweek from 2012. Last year, I also browsed through Life magazine just before my EKG. One piece of…

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HORSING AROUND!!

Did you enjoy the Super Bowl? I’m not a big football fan, so when I watched the game, I tried to distract myself with other things. I don’t knit, collect stamps, or play games on my phone. So, what did I do? Because my column is published in several papers throughout the Midwest, including a…

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BETTER THAN THIS

I am now beginning my 26th year of writing this humor column. It seems like yesterday I was floundering for ideas, unable to put together a coherent sentence, and making bad puns. Wait, that was yesterday. You were way ahead of me on the joke, weren’t you? This insight has made me realize that there are…

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