Dick Wolfsie
MUGGED ON MY BIRTHDAY!
Last month, I celebrated my 79th birthday. My wife and son tried to find me the perfect gift. But I am a very difficult person to shop for. I know this because my mother started telling me this when I was three years old. To help them, I Googled “Gifts for men in their 80s.” I…
Read MoreGETTING A LEG UP
My wife walks faster than I do. If I hadn’t broken into a full gallop down the aisle the day we got married, she’d have beaten me to the justice of the peace by a nose. I’ve mentioned this before in this column, but things have gotten much worse and far more embarrassing When we…
Read MoreSOAP DUDS
The piece I wrote about my nighttime leg, thigh, and hand cramps generated more emails than any other piece I’ve written. In the column, I complained about this persistent problem and mentioned that I had received a lot of advice from others who also suffered from it. Suggestions included: zinc, vitamin E, turmeric, potassium, vitamin…
Read MoreCramping My Style
I have leg cramps. I know the last thing you want to hear about is the medical problems of some two-bit humorist. Sometimes my calf cramps into a knot at night, and the pain becomes unbearable. My hands also cramp, along with my fingers. Sometimes, it’s my thigh. Keep reading this column; it’s about to…
Read MoreNO LAUGHING MATTER
About three months ago, a friend who lives in a nearby state asked if I would be willing to give a presentation to the local hospitals’ laughter club. Apparently, there are quite a few of these around the country. They provide an opportunity for staff and patients to enjoy the true benefits of a good…
Read MoreFix-ated !
My doctor’s office isn’t very modern. I don’t mean the high-tech diagnostic tools in his office. I’m talking about the magazines in the waiting room. Recently, I got the chance to read the last print edition of Newsweek from 2012. Last year, I also browsed through Life magazine just before my EKG. One piece of…
Read MoreHORSING AROUND!!
Did you enjoy the Super Bowl? I’m not a big football fan, so when I watched the game, I tried to distract myself with other things. I don’t knit, collect stamps, or play games on my phone. So, what did I do? Because my column is published in several papers throughout the Midwest, including a…
Read MoreBETTER THAN THIS
I am now beginning my 26th year of writing this humor column. It seems like yesterday I was floundering for ideas, unable to put together a coherent sentence, and making bad puns. Wait, that was yesterday. You were way ahead of me on the joke, weren’t you? This insight has made me realize that there are…
Read MoreSIGNS OF TROUBLE
Do Mary Ellen and I have some marital issues? There are certainly signs. You see, I have several bad habits. But Mary Ellen has been unsuccessful in convincing me of the importance of changing some of my usual routines. She decided to place notes around the house to remind me to correct some of my…
Read MoreDick Writes About the Height of Insult
It’s called a Posture Corrector. That used to be my grandmother’s nickname. “Sit up in your chair” was her favorite expression. “Don’t slouch” was a close second. This device guarantees that from the moment you strap it on, you will be two inches taller. If you are a guy, this contraption and a pair of…
Read More