12 Angry Pilgrims (Reach A Settlement)

“All rise! The case of Chief Ousamequin of the Wampanoag Indians v. The Pilgrims is now in session. The honorable Willie B. Upright presiding.” Judge Upright: “Before I discharge you to the Jury Room, I want to remind jurors that there is to be no discussion of this case beyond this courtroom.” Juror Five: “Does…

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Wanda Get Your Gun

Deer hunting season opened this week. To some, those six words trigger the same autonomic response as waving a liver and onions blue plate special under Hannibal Lecter’s nose. After spending months waiting, an army of glassy-eyed hunters is charging into local fields and forests with enough firepower to topple Honduras. They are toting tree…

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Hangin’ at Ol’ Merle’s Barbershop

I don’t really remember who cut my hair the first time. I’m certain that I cried, because I still do. My first haircut outside the home was likely at Ol’ Merle Wininger’s barbershop on Iowa Street in my hometown. I’m not sure why I mention Merle’s being on Iowa Street, except that I always marveled…

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The True Story of ‘Hi When’

Not terribly long ago, I had the opportunity to walk around the campus of my alma mater. I wasn’t expecting to meet anyone. It was the middle of summer, and the whole place was deserted. The likelihood of a chance encounter in this academic ghost town was implausible. So when I walked by the tennis…

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Spending Some Time in the ‘Pen’

I’m a thief! There, I said it. I’ve been wanting to get that off my chest for some time. It’s not easy coming clean after all these years. For a person of high principles, like me, it’s difficult admitting that I’ve often taken something that belongs to someone else without asking. I steal writing implements.…

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Let the ‘Whistle-Pig’ Run Free!

When I was finally old enough to go get the mail on my own –– shortly after overcoming the dread of being shredded to pieces by Laddie, the mean collie dog living next door –– I still made it a point to run to the end of the long driveway as fast as I could.…

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Who Knew CPR Stood for Chick Poultry Resuscitation?

My friend Courtney not only marches to the beat of a different drummer, she’s got Keith Moon hardwired to her soul. She is sassy, yet serene. Avoidant, yet cuddlesome. Bitter, yet forgiving. Large black circular eyeglasses rim her wolf blue eyes, which don’t really twinkle, but penetrate –– like the blue flame of a welding…

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John Comes Up With ‘Clutch’ Performance

We watched with great anticipation as the giant tanker truck maneuvered through the concrete service lot. The clumsy behemoth gracefully positioned itself directly above the fuel storage tanks, hesitating there for a moment above the open intake ports, like mother Blue Jay hovering above the gaping mouths of her hungry chicks. The four of us…

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Hopping On Gig Economy

When traveling home after a ball game, we often stop at a certain national pizza franchise for a late supper. This particular restaurant normally stays open past midnight –– a significant criterion for finding a satisfying meal after the game. We like eating there because the room exudes a fun atmosphere. It’s always alive with…

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I Swear I Am Not A Robot

One of my enduring pleasures is sports. Perhaps that’s because I had the privilege of playing football when I was in college. Who can’t look back on the first time that a 300-pound man jumped on his back while questioning his parentage, and remember so without affection? I especially enjoy reading about my favorite teams.…

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