Sharing Little Modern Humor

For the eight or nine of you who regularly read these scribbles, you know I don’t tend to pass on the modern version of the mimeographed office jokes we used to get back in the ‘70s. But sometimes I get one or three that seem worth passing along. I’m sorry I don’t know the author, but at least you won’t get that blue mimeograph dust on your hands with this one.

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

  • Knowing when to come in out of the rain
  • Why the early bird gets the worm
  • Life isn’t always fair
  • And maybe it was my fault

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition. Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

Things got worse as churches became businesses and criminals received better treatment than their victims, and when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

Common Sense lost the will to live when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun screen or an aspirin to a student but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion, or if a student talked about changing genders.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; by his wife, Discretion; by his daughter, Responsibility; and by his son, Reason.

Survivors include six step-children: I Know My Rights; I Want It Now; Someone Else Is To Blame; I’m A Victim; Pay me for Doing Nothing; and It’s My Body, My Choice.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.

-Two cents, which is about how much Timmons said his columns are worth, appears periodically in The Times. Timmons is the chief executive officer of Sagamore News Media, the company that owns The Noblesville Times. He is also a proud Noblesville High School graduate and can be contacted at [email protected]