Timmons Gets an Odd Phone Call
How do these people find me?
I was sitting at work, minding my own business. Not bothering a soul . . . which translates to the fact that I wasn’t writing a column causing the woke crowd more dilemmas.
The phone rings.
“The Times, Timmons.”
“I am Goose, Dr. Goose if you will. I bring you greetings, I bring you thrills.”
I repeat – how do these people find me?
“I’m sorry?” I tried. “How can I help you?”
“In today’s world we toil, while politics give us roil. Try as we might, it always ends with fright.”
Sigh.
“The Dems they have Kamala, the Repubs are stuck with Trump. What they give to all of us is another kick in the rump.”
I tried to interrupt. “Look, this is The Times. Is there something-”
“Election’s coming, voting starts soon. You know whoever wins will certainly make us swoon. There is no choice, no winner on tap. A sharp pain across our face, this feels like a slap.
“Biden he’s senile, Obama is scheming. How they get Michelle elected has all of them dreaming.
“But on the other side stands a big ol’ orange-haired man. He’s plenty loud he’s certainly rude. His followers they love him but with everyone else he gets booed.
“Look, Goose. I need-”
“It’s DOCTOR Goose you silly old fool. I make the insanity rhyme. I don’t care if it’s cool. It’s time we wake up, rise to the top. This wokeness absurdity has to come to a stop.”
He paused. I saw my chance.
“OK, DOCTOR Goose. I appreciate you calling and all. But is there something I can help you with or something you needed?
“I won’t keep you, make you spend more time. Clearly you don’t appreciate my lessons through a rhyme. But this has to change, get better you must admit. Because if it doesn’t this country is going to-”
I had enough and hung up. How do these people find me?
Two cents, which is about how much Timmons said his columns are worth, appears periodically in The Times. Timmons is the chief executive officer of Sagamore News Media, the company that owns The Noblesville Times. He is also a proud Noblesville High School graduate and can be contacted at [email protected].