Branna Seeks to Understand . . . First
Well folks, how are we doing now on those New Year’s resolutions? It’s been well over three months, and I don’t know about you, but mine are dead in the water! OK, let’s be real. I haven’t made a New Year’s resolution in decades. Why, you ask? Because I know all too well how successful I was at making and KEEPING those pesky proposals. Not!
So let’s talk about the healthy habits we HAVE created in our tenure here on Earth. (Insert the timely tune of the theme from Jeopardy). Still nothing? I’m right there with you!
I believe I have been blessed with copious career capacities, but one of the most impactful was learning – and living – the culture of Franklin Covey. While working at Purdue, I became a certified trainer for Stephen Covey’s famous “7 Habits of Highly Effective People.” Many millennials and subsequent generations are likely unfamiliar with this movement, but Boomers and Gen Ex-ers are fairly familiar with this classic curricula. But to bring everyone up to speed, Stephen Covey’s humble hypothesis was aimed at promoting personal development and building better relationships – both at work and at home. Stephen believed in the classic concept of seven timeless principles that emphasized proactive behavior, goal setting, prioritization, mutual benefit, empathetic communication, collaborative synergy and continuous self-improvement. Stephen often lamented that these habits “are common sense, but not common practice.”
I wish I could wander into the fascinating facets each of these habits. I even have my own front-running favorites. But if I had to pick the one that packs the most punch for me personally, it’s Habit 5: “Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood”®
This particular paradigm came to affect all areas of my life. It changed my understanding of others and how to more effectively relate to and listen to those around me.
Honestly, who out there finds themselves ruminating over their response before their co-conversationist is even finished talking? Once again, guilty as charged. What a wake up call it was! How can we derive a reasonable response before getting all the facts first? It’s simple. We can’t. We have to face the fact that our conversational collaborator is likely in the loop. The trust level goes down and the walls go up. It’s evident in all our relational realms – personally and professionally. I see those wheels in your head turning as you ponder the possible connections lost across the ages from lackluster listening skills.
As writer George Eliot said, “It is never too late to become what we might have been,” therefore carpe diem! (Gotta love lost Latin!) Bottom line, you can still modify your modus operandi with a few teensy tweaks. Here’s how in a nice little nutshell:
1. Lean in and listen! No distractions, and emphatically. Silence your cell phone, turn off the tube and open your mind and your heart to heed their every word
2. Respect their perspective. In an era of dogged debate and political dispute, this can be tricky. But the operative word is respect. I’ve found yet another memorable motto to achieve positive reciprocal interaction, and that is to simply “Agree to Disagree.” I’m telling you, it works with cranky colleagues, family and favored friends!
The 7 Habits are available for all ages and stages of life. Not only is there the original“people” version, there are adaptations for families, teens, and couples. My favorite course to teach was the families edition, which is geared toward each and every member of every generation.
Now that’s a very bare-bones synopsis my favorite, handpicked habit and a sneak peek of just how you, too, may benefit from these prized practices. As Stephen once said, “Most of us spend too much time on what is urgent and not enough time on what is important.”
How important are the relationships in YOUR life? Hmmm, no need to wait until 2026 to challenge ourselves for personal growth and reformed relationships. (I’ll resolve to check back with you in January!)
Branna (McCarty) Shores believes that “HOME is where your story begins.” A Noblesville native and proud graduate of NHS and Purdue University, she is a professional speaker, advocate for mental health and work / family balance and retired social worker. Branna is the mother of two grown daughters, six precious grandchildren and wife of one brave husband! Her passions include singing, writing and sharing the lighter side of life through lessons learned, both personally and professionally. She can be contacted at [email protected]