The Temper of God
Temper: a state of mind… or to moderate something.
Tempering: to let a big, fat juicy steak rest at room temperature before throwing it on the grill!
When we hear the word temper, we often think of anger or a deeply frustrating annoyance, often with outward signs of display.
It was not the anger of God that concerned me in my prayers lately, but rather the temper of God in my life. The motion, the flow, the speed, the velocity of God as it related to my life, my giving, my service to God.
So, I have been praying for God’s direction and guidance, more so with the intentional questions: Am I doing too much? Too little? Am I using my “golden years” as an excuse to slow down at the same time allowing thoughts to perpetuate fears of not doing it right? How much is too much? How little is not enough? Am I really to just rest?
As a Christian, I have hopes of journeying toward a maturing level of spirituality, filled with the desire of my heart to want to serve God. Not just because I “have to” or because I’m “supposed to” as a Christian, but because I truly and genuinely love God and want Him to be in my life at every moment.
This amazing God- so loving and so forgiving; our gracious and humble Almighty King, to be pleased with all that I do, even as imperfect as I am.
Of course, I also examine personal motives fueling this desire. Is it guilt? Fear? Intrinsic rewards? Maintaining hope of eternity or “sainthood” or “angelic” designations? A sense of duty? Too much? Too Little? And on and on…
Becoming overwhelmed, I found it better to cast this all aside and place these prayers at the feet of Jesus. All these thoughts of how and how much and to trust God to lead me in my “older” age. (Goodness knows there is plenty of fear that goes along with this part of the journey, yet there are so many other journeys that we all face).
So, I didn’t jump at the chance (as I often do) to sign-up as a server for Holy Communion on Ash Wednesday. I saw an open spot on the serving team several days prior, but I was determined to leave it open, providing another person with this holy opportunity to serve. I prayed about it and let it in God’s hands.
The morning of Ash Wednesday, I noticed all spots on the serving team were now filled. Excellent! I heard God’s answer and was assured I made the right choice to wait.
Just the same, I texted the Pastor that morning thanking him for our Shrove Pancake dinner the night before at the church, noted my intention to attend the Ash Wednesday service with willing hands if the need arises as it sometimes does.
It was an awesome service until the Pastor called for the Communion servers to come forward. Instead of four, only three people approached the altar. Watching intently, the Pastor looked my way and asked kindly if I could be the fourth server!
I didn’t hesitate. Not solely because the Pastor asked me, but also because God was calling me (and at the very last minute!). Talk about His living touch!
Once again, God answered my prayer (loudly, surprisingly and unexpectedly) and called me as He needed through the ashes at the church and the Pastor.
He loves us as ashes, as His messy miracles, and as His children. Even as people who tend to overthink, and worry and who tend to complicate Him.
Ohhh, why would I not want to love a beautiful and living God such as this?
So much more desirous than that fat, juicy steak any day!
He is our living portion… of everything. Through His gentle Grace, He will temper us!
Bonnie Zickgraf is a retired pastor, author and an RN in mental health nursing and health plan accreditations. Send comments and prayer requests to bonniezickgraf@gmail.com.