Branna Shares Grief, Transition of Losing a Parent

I did not write the words below, and I cannot for the life of me figure out who did. But these words found me right where I’m at in my life. My passion and purpose is to provide light reading that is hopefully informative with a fun twist. But I named this column “Can You Relate?” for a reason, not a following. 

I lost my precious mother two days ago. If you, too, have lost a parent, you know the myriad of memories and milestones that come flooding back at such a desperate time. Too many times, this ominous family event brings a family together, only to revisit and result in even more pain and disdain. It can bring out the worst between siblings, cousins and everyone involved with the person lost. 

This week, in planning for the final tribute to my mother, I was blessed with just the opposite. Not at all what I expected or nervously anticipated. Yes, the grief is immense. But this is where I finally understood what is meant by “beauty from ashes.”

I did not write this, but I wish I had, for these words are prophetic. Please read this and let this be a light for your own family. For once, I can actually admit, I didn’t have the words. But thankfully, whoever wrote this, did:

“We are the children of parents who never went to therapy.

“We are the sons and daughters of people who did the absolute best they could with the tools they were given.

“We grew up in the spaces between the silences – the heavy quiet that covered everything left unsaid. We grew up under rules that weren’t meant to be questioned and emotions that were tucked away until they became invisible. We learned to read body language, instead of hearing words, surviving the uncertainty of the unspoken, searching for meaning and feelings that, for our parents, didn’t even have a name.

“This isn’t about judging their awareness. It’s about understanding that every generation carries the weight of its own history.

“Our parents were also children of a time when vulnerability was a luxury they couldn’t afford, and self-reflection was a path rarely traveled. They were raised in a world where wounds weren’t named – they were simply endured. A world where boundaries were either iron-clad or nonexistent, and where love was proven through sacrifice, not through communication.

“And yet, here we are. We are learning to name the things they couldn’t say. We are identifying the fears that were passed down to us by accident. We are giving ourselves the right to feel without the crushing fear of judgment. Because healing isn’t about pointing fingers. It’s about clarity. It’s realizing what we received was simply everything they knew how to offer.

“It’s about looking at their history with compassion – and our own responsibility.

“We are the children of parents who never went to therapy, but we have chosen a different road. It is up to us to move beyond what we were taught without resenting where we came from. To build something new without tearing down the past. To honor them without repeating their mistakes. We accept that while the past is set in stone, its echo can be transformed in our lives.

“It’s our turn to hold our wounds with tenderness and turn them into sources of wisdom. We are the generation opening the door to new doors of loving, living and simply being.”

Can you relate? These words totally transformed the trajectory of my legacy. Please consider these wise words from a renown, yet unknown author to start your journey toward healing and happiness where it all starts. At home.

Can You Relate is a column from Noblesville High School grad Branna (McCarty) Shores. Branna believes that “HOME is where your story begins.” A Noblesville native and proud alum of NHS and Purdue, she is a professional speaker, advocate for mental health and work / family balance and retired social worker. Branna is the mother of two grown daughters, six precious grandchildren and wife of one brave husband! Her passions include singing, writing and sharing the lighter side of life through lessons learned, both personally and professionally. She can be contacted at branna18@gmail.com