Forgiveness then Love … or … Love then Forgiveness?
April 10, 2020 (original), revised March 2, 2025, April 16, 2025
Which is a more accurate statement?
Forgiveness then Love … or … Love then Forgiveness?
Are these words mutually exclusive?
Can one word stand on its own without the possibility of the other?
Do we forgive the actions or inactions of others first, so that we can begin to love them?
Or does love exist first, which then enables us to forgive?
We just experienced the holiday of Easter, 2025. You may have heard the gospel of Luke 23: 30- 34a where it is written about the crucifixion of Jesus:
“Two others, both criminals, were led out to be executed with him. When they came to a place called The Skull, they nailed him to the cross. And the criminals were also crucified—one on his right and one on his left. Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they are doing.” (NLT)
Did you “hear” what you just “read”? Jesus asked God our Father to forgive the executioners as they were pounding nails into his body!
(Now, I must confess….asking forgiveness as I am being tortured and nailed to a cross would not be my first request. Yet, it was for Jesus.)
People are sometimes hurt by other people they care about. If we didn’t care for someone, if a person is not meaningful in some way in our lives, then there is no relational love, at least a love that is mutually shared, right? Or must it be so?
For instance, let’s say you go shopping and while at the store, your pant leg catches on the sharp edge of a shelf, tearing your pant leg, perhaps scraping or cutting into your skin.
That HURT! Owww!
Some shoppers may stand and just watch. Others may laugh at your misfortune and turn away. And still others may recognize your plight and at least offer a few kind or consoling words, asking if you are okay, perhaps offering to help you.
Besides the physical pain of suffering that injury to your leg and ego, are you also impacted by the indifference or hurtful laughter of others who made fun of you? I think most of us would be.
Once our embarrassment leaves us, then we react to why others just stood and laughed at us or just turned away. Why did that hurt?
Did they intentionally mean to harm you? No, probably not.
I call it mindless hurtfulness; the instance in our lives that can happen so quickly, we react in some form or fashion, not meaning to do harm to others, but it happens anyway.
So, when we are on the receiving end of the indifference of others or by being laughed at in our misfortunes, are we hurt because they didn’t love us, or because love just wasn’t there?
I believe that God exists all the time and everywhere. I also believe that God IS love; therefore, love exists all the time and everywhere, EXCEPT that as humans, love is sometimes not displayed correctly or we get it all messed up.
The people in our lives can be strangers or acquaintances. They can be family or even the very love-of-your-life. Mindless hurtfulness can happen at any time and in an instant. The love, or lack thereof, even from a stranger can result in embarrassment and hurtfulness because love was breached or mishandled somehow.
But Jesus asked forgiveness for those who were intentionally and purposefully hurting him.
Could we all do the same?
Doubtful. Many of us find it difficult to remain silent when irritated, hurt or angry. Sometimes we feel the need to prove our position of being right and without much thought toward caring or loving others in the immediate moment, let alone forgive them as Christ teaches us from the cross.
How would you react?
On a positive note, we all have the potential to love and to be loved, but sometimes, we don’t know how to handle it. And when that happens, then we must learn to forgive others or to ask for forgiveness from others…or try to forgive ourselves.
See, I believe the latter. Forgiveness comes or is given because of love. The love that already and always existed or ever will exist because of our loving and Almighty God.
And so, it is further written…
“O Lord, you are so good, so ready to forgive, so full of unfailing love for all who ask for your help.”
(Closing prayer)-
Divine Father, please help us all to love as Jesus loves. To love as you and Holy Spirit loves. And provide us the strength to forgive, as we, too, are forgiven. Amen.
Bonnie Zickgraf is a retired pastor, author, a columnist for The Times and an RN in mental health nursing. Send comments and prayer requests to [email protected].