Fix-ated !
My doctor’s office isn’t very modern. I don’t mean the high-tech diagnostic tools in his office. I’m talking about the magazines in the waiting room. Recently, I got the chance to read the last print edition of Newsweek from 2012. Last year, I also browsed through Life magazine just before my EKG.
One piece of reading matter that caught my attention was Family Handyman. Here were the cover stories:
MEASURE ONCE / PANIC TWICE
MY DRILL KEEPS SCREWING AROUND
I BUILT A GATE AND, YES, I NAILED IT
WHY MY DOOR AND I ARE BOTH OFF OUR HINGES
The lead story was: “Five Great Sawhorse Designs.” I couldn’t wait to read it because, off the top of my head, I could only think of four, none of which they mentioned in the article. Also, on the cover was “How to Make a Screw Organizer from a Leftover Piece of PVC Pipe.” I didn’t want to read too much exciting stuff like this because it can temporarily raise your blood pressure before they slap the cuff on you.
I turned to a feature story about what to do if your Gorilla Glue gets hard in the tube, and also one on how to dig post holes in sandy soil. I read both of those carefully. After 46 years, Mary Ellen and I are always looking for something new to talk about.
This is my favorite: There was a three-page spread on “How to Cure a Sick Ceiling Fan.” What would the fan be complaining about? Periodic dizziness?
One piece was called “Best Advice for DIYers.” I thought it was about how to successfully drink beer and drill at the same time. Then I learned that a DIYer is a Do-It-Yourselfer. Another entry was titled: “How to Make a Hidden Cutting Board.” I can never find ours when we need it, so I decided to skip that kitchen improvement project.
“Maintaining Your Chimney” starts with a list of supplies you’ll need, items commonly found around most houses. You need brushable crown sealer, chimney water repellent, and a stainless-steel chimney cap. I had all of that in the garage except for the brushable crown sealer, the chimney water repellent, and a stainless-steel chimney cap. Another article stated: “Trying to run fish tape through an insulated stud bay can be a nightmare.” You have to have a pretty dull imagination if this is what you have bad dreams about.
The regular monthly column was “How to Make Your Own Tools,” a great way to save money. The author demonstrated how to take a long, flexible piece of tubing and attach a flashlight at the end for working in dark, hard-to-reach places, like during a do-it-yourself plumbing project. It was really a clever gadget, but I tore the page out and threw it away. My next colonoscopy is later in 2026, and with all the cost-cutting in medicine, the fewer doctors who know about this, the better.