Dick Wolfsie

There’s a great deal of pressure on me to be funny. I feel it at church, at pickleball, and when I run into people at the supermarket. This is what happens when you write a humor column for 25 years. At our book club, when I say something like, “I think the book has a…

I’m a big baseball fan, and recently I met my old friend Howard in Chicago to see the Cubs play the Astros. While we were sitting there, we witnessed what has been dubbed “The Wave,” a coordinated crowd movement in which fans stand and raise their arms in sequence, creating a rippling, cascading effect across…

Warning: There was another case of food impropriety in the news. A popular frozen dinner option is being removed from ovens over in Scandinavia in another half-baked scandal. Families were waiting to feast on moose lasagna, but as the cheese was becoming bubbly and browned, food officials exposed that there was pork in some of…

Do you love your first name or did your parents saddle you with a label that is making your life miserable? As I have reported in the past, my first name has been the source of many tawdry remarks. Once in fact, I was denied membership at a local golf venue because I had the…

Mary Ellen and I were relaxing on our backyard deck one evening. After swatting a few mosquitoes, I said, “You know, sweetheart, we should look into screening the porch.” “Yes, Dick, you’ve been saying that every year for the past five years.” A few minutes later, I mentioned how quickly the summer passes once the…

Five years ago, while the world was in the throes of COVID, I started looking through some of my wife’s old cookbooks. I was preparing Mary Ellen for the next pandemic. I also found a couple of editions of books written by manners-maven Emily Post, who died in 1960. Very few attended her funeral because…

The Wolfsie household is a happening place. Mary Ellen keeps asking, “What happened here?” She knows something has happened, but wants to see if I’m responsible. But she always knows it’s me. I hear these words every day, sometimes more than once. The question arises when I am left alone at home or when Mary…

My birthday is coming up— in about 9 months—but don’t give it any thought. I have already bought myself the perfect gift from the Brookstone website. The Brookstone Pillow Universal TV Remote Control: “Never again will you have to ask, ‘Where’s the remote?’ And you’ll never lose it in between the cushions. Why? Because it…

This is a true story, but admittedly it did happen many years ago. I’m revisiting it this week because once again, I locked myself out of the house.  This time it was in broad daylight, and I had all my clothes on, a distinct improvement from what I did about 20 years ago. It’s worth…