Amy, Emily & Branna Dive Into Etiquette, Grace
What comes to mind when you think of the words finishing school?!
The final bell at the end of the school day? Secondary education or post-graduate studies? Do you even think about it at all?
I know I sure didn’t as a young teen until my mom handed me the huge, hardbound Bible of best behavior – Amy Vanderbilt’s Complete Book of Etiquette. Mom was no debutante by any means and I’m sure she meant well when she strongly suggested (well, demanded) that I take classes to edify my etiquette. For the life of me, I could not figure out why the formality of so many forks would even matter for farm folks like us. Alas, I headed to class to garner a “formal” education in graciousness.
Actually, I took a short course offered to area teens. But those more serious about social stateliness found their way to finishing (aka “charm”) schools. Primarily private institutions, these alternative outlets for education were typically tailored to young women, often starting around age 16. The goal of these institutions was to garnish young girls’ social graces, become eloquent in everyday etiquette and cultivate more acute cultural skills.
The most famous and influential etiquette enchiridion was undeniably Emily Post’s Etiquette: The Blue Book of Social Usage. It was a foundational guide first published in 1922 as the authority on American social behavior. In 1952, my muse and mentor, Amy Vanderbilt, published her own blueprint of becoming behavior – Amy Vanderbilt’s New Complete Book of Etiquette.
These monumental mindsets for mastering manners still exist, however teachings and techniques in finishing schools now focus on building confidence, best business practices, communication and life skills for various ages. They typically tout a premium price tag due to their specialized nature and range from intensive, short courses to one-year commitments.
Original etiquette enlightenment included table manners; hosting; posture, personal appearance and presentation; and professionalism – often addressing public speaking, communication and political correctness in social situations.
Vanderbilt, however, refuted the notion that etiquette was only about rules of correctly and competently conducting oneself. Rather, she reflected on the rites and rituals of protocol for personal and professional proceedings. Yes, she included content on modern realities like co-habitation, single parenting and such, but her true purpose was to offer a reliable guide for navigating interactions of all types and minimizing misunderstandings in the changing world.
Subsequent books on best practices careened toward more contemporary social changes, like the rise of women in the workplace and ever-evolving family structures. There was an emerging need for a new generation, directed toward “netiquette” – digital etiquette and guidelines for online interactions. Instruction on email response times, appropriate social media-sharing and managing phone use in public was the mainstream. Yep… it all comes back to basic courtesy and kindnesses, such as showing respect and consideration for others, active listening skills, using names, personal space, handling our mistakes gracefully and just plain being polite.
Whether you’re a friend or foe of social media, you know there’s a need for more knowledge on etiquette, now more than ever. Knowing which fork to use at dinner is nice, but life is full of moments where a toolkit for tolerance and understanding is essential.
Well, I’m about finished with schooling you on the importance of etiquette. I may be just a simple farm girl at heart, but I firmly believe that kindness is an overlooked aptitude in our world today.
It’s true … mama knows best!
Can You Relate is a column from Noblesville High School grad Branna (McCarty) Shores. Branna believes that “HOME is where your story begins.” A Noblesville native and proud alum of NHS and Purdue, she is a professional speaker, advocate for mental health and work / family balance and retired social worker. Branna is the mother of two grown daughters, six precious grandchildren and wife of one brave husband! Her passions include singing, writing and sharing the lighter side of life through lessons learned, both personally and professionally. She can be contacted at branna18@gmail.com