Dick Wolfsie
ROLLING IN DOUGH!!!!
I witnessed a miracle at our church this morning. Unitarians do not, as a rule, believe in miracles, although starting our service on time is about as close as we ever get. Each Sunday, a select group of congregants (a word few of us ever use) are assigned to bring snacks for the worshippers (another…
Read MoreA SWITCH IN TIME
“What time is it?” I asked my wife. “It’s exactly five o’clock,” she replied as she glanced at the grandfather clock (Grandpa, from now on) in our living room. “It can’t be, Mary Ellen. It was precisely five o’clock 20 minutes ago. Come to think of it, it’s been 5:00 all day. Isn’t it only…
Read MoreKeep Your Chin Up
Surveys show that most people hate at least one part of their body. I’m not happy with my ears, for example. They stick out more than they should. My wife said to be that obsessed with my own looks makes me appear very elfish. I think she meant selfish. Freud wasn’t all wrong. When I…
Read MorePRONOUNCED PROBLEMS
It all started when we changed our cell phone service. We had been thinking of doing that for a long time, but Mary Ellen and I are both creatures of habit—that’s why we have been married for 44 years. I assumed the changeover would be long and painful, but despite a few bumps in the…
Read MoreWHEN SHIRT HAPPENS
This past week, I did a little shopping to find some warm apparel for our trip to Iceland. I don’t like buying new clothes because I always seem to spill something on them. If I enjoy my meal at a particular restaurant, I wear the same shirt the next time I am there. When the…
Read MoreICY RELATIONSHIPS
The Wolfsies are headed to Iceland in March. We are thrilled to be taking a small group with us to enjoy this week-long adventure. Mary Ellen is already checking the weather there, and she announces to me each morning that it is warmer in Reykjavik, the country’s capital, than it is in Indianapolis. For some…
Read MoreTIME FOR CHANGE
I believe in change as much as the next person. I believe in change so much that I have an old pickle jar in my home office filled with quarters, nickels, dimes and pennies. Also, some golf tees, safety pins, and wintergreen Lifesavers. When I was a kid, I saved the very same way. The…
Read MoreROAMING AROUND
By Dick Wolfsie (September 5, 1964) The state of New York has directed the New Rochelle High School history department that world history classes begin with the Roman Empire. Most teachers either conveniently forget this directive or shamelessly distort…
Read MoreREPLACING MISSING TILES
I tend to lose stuff. Once, I lost a cell phone and found it in the freezer. Then, I misplaced my wallet and found it at the bottom of the dog food canister. There is a logical explanation for both of those incidents—sort of. My wife has told me many times that I am clearly…
Read MoreMEMORIES
This is the time of year when I thank the people, places, and situations that make this column possible. As I have often explained, the key to writing a humor column is to take an actual event and blow it a little out of proportion. So, let’s look back at some of my favorite pieces…
Read More