Dick Wolfsie

“What is this?” Mary Ellen inquired the other day as she dangled a doodad in front of my face. It was small, white, plastic, hexagonal, and had several grooves.  “It looks like it goes to something,” she said.  “I don’t know what it is,” I responded, which I prayed would end the discussion, but I…

We recently spent a lovely afternoon with our friends, the Murphys. They told us about their new house and the two-week vacation they were planning throughout Europe. Anticipating that we had equally thrilling news, they asked what was exciting in our lives.  “Oh, we’re getting a new washer and dryer,” we said proudly. In unison.…

This is a very provocative way to start a column, but I must admit something: I can’t keep my pants on. I try very hard, especially at parties, but inevitably they’re almost off by the end of the evening. So, what’s the problem? I have lost my hips. Where did they go? Who has them?…

For the past 25 years, my wife has been crucial to my success as a humorist.  She’s complained about my napping, sense of direction, and messiness. She’s told me how scatterbrained I am. She has been the well I went to when I needed material for my weekly feature. I don’t know what I’d do…

“No,” I said to my wife. “They can’t do that again. It will completely mess us up.” She knew I was correct. When it first occurred seven years ago, I lamented about the problem in this column, and now it was happening again: The city was changing the pickup day for recycling. It was going…

My wife is smarter than I am. She has earned more money than I have. She is far better looking and makes a better parent. I wanted to tell you this up front because I’m going to make fun of her now, and I don’t want you to think I’m a total jerk. As you’ll…

This could only happen to me. And it did. I got a new iPhone. It has a lot of new features which are wasted on me because I am a meat-and-potatoes kind of guy, so I don’t need a lot of bells and whistles. However, the camera does have some neat photography enhancements, which I…

There? Really! In the winter? Seriously? That’s what many people said when I told them that Mary Ellen and I (and our son) were headed to Iceland for a vacation and taking 17 hearty souls with us. We knew that others had gone on this very same adventure and loved it. For many, this destination…

I witnessed a miracle at our church this morning. Unitarians do not, as a rule, believe in miracles, although starting our service on time is about as close as we ever get. Each Sunday, a select group of congregants (a word few of us ever use) are assigned to bring snacks for the worshippers (another…

“What time is it?” I asked my wife. “It’s exactly five o’clock,” she replied as she glanced at the grandfather clock (Grandpa, from now on) in our living room. “It can’t be, Mary Ellen. It was precisely five o’clock 20 minutes ago. Come to think of it, it’s been 5:00 all day. Isn’t it only…