Dick Wolfsie
ICY RELATIONSHIPS
The Wolfsies are headed to Iceland in March. We are thrilled to be taking a small group with us to enjoy this week-long adventure. Mary Ellen is already checking the weather there, and she announces to me each morning that it is warmer in Reykjavik, the country’s capital, than it is in Indianapolis. For some…
Read MoreTIME FOR CHANGE
I believe in change as much as the next person. I believe in change so much that I have an old pickle jar in my home office filled with quarters, nickels, dimes and pennies. Also, some golf tees, safety pins, and wintergreen Lifesavers. When I was a kid, I saved the very same way. The…
Read MoreROAMING AROUND
By Dick Wolfsie (September 5, 1964) The state of New York has directed the New Rochelle High School history department that world history classes begin with the Roman Empire. Most teachers either conveniently forget this directive or shamelessly distort…
Read MoreREPLACING MISSING TILES
I tend to lose stuff. Once, I lost a cell phone and found it in the freezer. Then, I misplaced my wallet and found it at the bottom of the dog food canister. There is a logical explanation for both of those incidents—sort of. My wife has told me many times that I am clearly…
Read MoreMEMORIES
This is the time of year when I thank the people, places, and situations that make this column possible. As I have often explained, the key to writing a humor column is to take an actual event and blow it a little out of proportion. So, let’s look back at some of my favorite pieces…
Read MoreCEREAL KILLERS
Every year in late December, the Wolfsie family sits down and decides where we will donate money. We try to spread our giving to as many well-deserving charities as possible rather than giving a more considerable sum to just one or two. One of my favorites is Centered Around Christ (CAC), a service organization dedicated…
Read MoreDO NOT ENTER
Mary Ellen is always telling me to change. Not my sloppy eating habits. Not my occasional inappropriate jokes at book club. Or the way I make a mess in the kitchen. She wants me to change my passwords. All 200 of them. Mary Ellen reads a lot about identity fraud and password theft. She told…
Read MoreSTILL UNDECIDED
The recent election required a great deal of decision making. Of course, there are still a small number of undecided people out there. I don’t mean about the election —it’s too late for that. I mean whether they are going to waste their time finishing this article. I let my wife make half the decisions…
Read MoreNOW HEAR THIS
By Dick Woflsie My wife convinced me to get hearing aids about three years ago. However, I frequently forgot to wear them. I had to keep asking, “What?” After a while, it annoyed my friends and family, so I added a little variety, like, “Say what?” and “Excuse me?” When I returned to New York for a fall visit, I…
Read MorePLAYING CHICKEN
My wife and I went to the State Fair recently and Mary Ellen spent a lot of time in the poultry barn looking at baby chicks saying, “How cute,“ while I was out on the Midway looking at you-know-what on a stick, saying, “How delicious.” The next day while at Menards, I saw two magazines,…
Read More