Proof Negative…

I am sad to report that my editor and proofreader, Heidi, has decided to retire. She has been correcting me for 22 years. Only my wife has beaten her record. When Heidi first told me she was quitting, I panicked. To be honest, many of the mistakes she found over the years were the result…

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NOT FUNNY YOU SHOULD SAY THAT!

I think I just read some great news.  But I’m not positive how to process the information. Here’s the headline: EXPERT SAYS DAD’S TERRIBLE JOKES ARE GREAT FOR CHILD DEVELOPMENT Wait a second! The jokes I told my son Brett as he was growing up were not terrible. I resent that.  But even if they…

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JUST FINE FOR PARKING

I recently read in one of my newsfeeds that an 85-year-old man was fumbling through his drawers (which is a funny image, right there) and found a one-dollar parking ticket fine that he had gotten almost 70 years ago and forgot to pay. Henry was apparently a man with a sharp financial sense. He knew…

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PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY…

Returning from our vacation in the Virgin Islands last month, I sent my digital camera through the scanner at the airport. Then I forgot to retrieve it from the tray after it rolled out on the conveyor. When I came back five minutes later, it was gone. I almost aways use my cell phone on…

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My Truth, By The Numbers

After my 76th birthday this past week, I decided to let it all out. It’s about time people know who I really am. Here are just some of my peculiarities and idiosyncrasies.  Email me the numbers you can relate to: (Wolfsie@aol.com) 1. I prefer baked beans cold. 2. I buy two-piece pajama sets and throw…

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CLASS BEHAVIOR

As of a month ago, Mary Ellen and I planned to attend her reunion in Ohio where she would celebrate the 50th anniversary of her graduation from college. We had talked extensively about the event, especially since Mary Ellen was one of the organizers. The truth is, we were both hiding how we really felt…

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SHIP SHAPE!!

Mary Ellen and I just returned from a wonderful Caribbean cruise. But no one wants to read a humor column about how much fun we had. So instead, I’ll put on my grumpy old man hat and describe everything that went wrong. On our first day, we went snorkeling. It took us about an hour…

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And The Survey Says . . .

At first glance, it seemed like a pretty good deal.  Enjoy a complimentary $25.00 gift card from one of the local supermarkets.  All it required was answering a few questions online. I figured it was a marketing scam. I wasn’t born yesterday. In fact, as you’ll see, I was born 100 years ago. I had…

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Left to My Own Devices

Mary Ellen and I compete against each other every evening as we watch Jeopardy!  I usually win because she is also playing Sudoku and is only listening to the show. She doesn’t realize the closed captions come up on the screen to reveal the answer before contestants buzz in. So, when I hear a clue…

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