Dick Wolfsie

My wife has run off with my sister. They were only supposed to vacation together for a little over a week, but when Linda asked Mary Ellen if I could manage alright being alone for so long, Mary Ellen said, “He’ll be fine. I’ll only be gone 10 years.” I assume she meant 10 days.…

There should be a law against having phone numbers that denote words instead of, well, numbers. It’s a phone number, not a phone word. For example, there is a national organization dedicated to educating people about a common, but potentially serious illness. Their phone number spells the name of the disease.  Is that an incredible coincidence,…

(CURRENT) It’s already October, and I haven’t seen my Christmas Hammacher Schlemmer gift catalog. This historic company is closing. Their publication is 144 years old. And I have been making fun of their quirky gifts for more than two decades. The company has had a good sense of humor about my ribbing. In fact, they sent me…

Ouch! Ow! Ooh, that really hurts… Please stop. Are you trying to kill me? We can all agree that having a lousy dentist can be an agonizing experience. But I don’t have a lousy dentist—I have a very good one. The only yelp ever heard during one of my appointments was the day I accidentally…

There are many people in our neighborhood with diverse professions.  There are insurance agents, physicians, pharmacists, computer software experts, and salespeople, among others.  All of these individuals not only excelled in their respective fields but are also accomplished in other areas. For many retirees, this is a way to make the most of their newfound…

There’s a great deal of pressure on me to be funny. I feel it at church, at pickleball, and when I run into people at the supermarket. This is what happens when you write a humor column for 25 years. At our book club, when I say something like, “I think the book has a…

I’m a big baseball fan, and recently I met my old friend Howard in Chicago to see the Cubs play the Astros. While we were sitting there, we witnessed what has been dubbed “The Wave,” a coordinated crowd movement in which fans stand and raise their arms in sequence, creating a rippling, cascading effect across…

Warning: There was another case of food impropriety in the news. A popular frozen dinner option is being removed from ovens over in Scandinavia in another half-baked scandal. Families were waiting to feast on moose lasagna, but as the cheese was becoming bubbly and browned, food officials exposed that there was pork in some of…

Do you love your first name or did your parents saddle you with a label that is making your life miserable? As I have reported in the past, my first name has been the source of many tawdry remarks. Once in fact, I was denied membership at a local golf venue because I had the…