Let the ‘Whistle-Pig’ Run Free!

When I was finally old enough to go get the mail on my own –– shortly after overcoming the dread of being shredded to pieces by Laddie, the mean collie dog living next door –– I still made it a point to run to the end of the long driveway as fast as I could.…

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Who Knew CPR Stood for Chick Poultry Resuscitation?

My friend Courtney not only marches to the beat of a different drummer, she’s got Keith Moon hardwired to her soul. She is sassy, yet serene. Avoidant, yet cuddlesome. Bitter, yet forgiving. Large black circular eyeglasses rim her wolf blue eyes, which don’t really twinkle, but penetrate –– like the blue flame of a welding…

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John Comes Up With ‘Clutch’ Performance

We watched with great anticipation as the giant tanker truck maneuvered through the concrete service lot. The clumsy behemoth gracefully positioned itself directly above the fuel storage tanks, hesitating there for a moment above the open intake ports, like mother Blue Jay hovering above the gaping mouths of her hungry chicks. The four of us…

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Hopping On Gig Economy

When traveling home after a ball game, we often stop at a certain national pizza franchise for a late supper. This particular restaurant normally stays open past midnight –– a significant criterion for finding a satisfying meal after the game. We like eating there because the room exudes a fun atmosphere. It’s always alive with…

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I Swear I Am Not A Robot

One of my enduring pleasures is sports. Perhaps that’s because I had the privilege of playing football when I was in college. Who can’t look back on the first time that a 300-pound man jumped on his back while questioning his parentage, and remember so without affection? I especially enjoy reading about my favorite teams.…

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A ‘Brief’ Near-Death Experience

I don’t know if this is a curse or a blessing, but I’m pretty certain I know how I’m going to die. I can hear the coroner’s pen scratching now: Cause of Death: Extermination by Underwear. I figure it would only be manslaughter. I don’t think my underwear have it in for me, but who…

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Putting Backspin On A Mouse

There’s a mouse in my pantry . . . and he might just be staying there. Living with the countryside right out my back door, it really isn’t strange that a mouse has set up lodgings inside the cozy confines of my larder. In fact, I count on it happening two times each year. For…

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A Night of Make-Believe

Close your eyes. Wait a minute! What am I thinking? That won’t work. How are you going to read the rest of this experiment if your eyes are closed? Let’s start again. Make-believe that your eyes are closed. That’s better! And it is a perfectly acceptable preamble to what’s coming next. Because from this point…

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The Reality of TV

I’ve been dog-sitting. My brother and his family are on their way to Michigan for a well-deserved vacation. When you own two dogs, have twin 2-year-olds, and a loving wife for whom your term of endearment is “Commander,” Michigan may not be far enough. (As a quick aside, I’m praying that my sister-in-law has forgotten…

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Employee of the Nanosecond

Brian called the other day. My friend wanted to let me know that, after two years of retirement, he was going back into the workforce. It didn’t surprise me completely, because I was just as shocked two years ago when Brian decided to retire early. At 57, I thought he had several more years of…

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