The Museum Of Natural Laziness

Here’s one for you. How do they tackle Spring Cleaning in a museum? I heard most of you answer, “very carefully”. Nice. Indeed, that’s true if we are searching for applause at the improv club. However, this is a seri-ous question that I ask myself every year, when I start my own Spring Cleaning. In…

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Under That False Flag

With tens of thousands of soldiers poised to cross over the border into a fledgling independent nation –– a nation only a few years pulled from beneath the thumb of an imperial superpower –– the world anxiously awaited the outcome of military conflict that ultimately will change borders, and skew the balance of global power.…

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IRS; You Are Not

My friend is having trouble with the Internal Revenue Service. We’ll call him Mr. Farmer, be-cause — one; it’s the IRS, and two; well, they already know his real name. They know it far too well, as far as he’s concerned. First, a little background. Mr. Farmer is known among friends and strangers alike as…

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Save The Spoon

Regardless of what you’re hungry for, the next time you dine out, I’m going to change the way you look at your next meal. There’s something you’ve enjoyed at every feeding that is fast be-coming extinct. No, it’s not the snowy egret or the flamingo. Although I’ve been told they both taste like chicken, few…

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Snow Buddies Business

Ah, alas, the first big snowfall of the year. I love standing on my deck in the tranquil dawning of a new snowstorm, watching the horizontal white blur layer the yard in its downy nuzzle. The quietude of the swirling milky crystals is dis-turbed solely by the howling wind, whose turbulence kicks snow into big…

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On The Street Where I Live

I was waiting my turn, the other day, southbound at a “redneck round-a-bout”. There a millions of these intersections, located throughout the world. We used to call them “four-way stops,” but stopping is quite optional these days. Not only that, not slowing down before not stopping is quickly becoming the popular uptrend. Lest you think…

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I’m activated: bank on it

Each January the small bank in my hometown –– The Loanly Bank and Mistrust –– attracts new customers to their banking services by offering premium gifts to anyone signing for a loan or opening a new account. To anyone opening a savings account, the bank will bestow a $25 gift card to Sleepy Joe’s coffee…

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It’s a shame that it is now January

I’ve come to the conclusion that, if December is the season of Hope, then January must be the season of Shame. I base this conclusion primarily because advertisers tell us it is so. No sooner do the last holiday fruitcakes make the annual transition from Christmas delicacy to New Year’s doorstop, advertisers start reminding us…

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Scrapping another column together

I once heard a fascinating story of an electrician. Every night after work, he gathered all of the scrap pieces of wire from the job site, and throw them in his truck. Then at night, he’d sit watch-ing his favorite television shows, and strip all of the plastic insulation from the wire, leaving be-hind only…

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A very shaggy New Year

My friend, Karen, and I were talking the other day, and like nearly all discussions between members of the opposite sex, the conversation ultimately turned to shag carpeting. Karen is remarkable. Not only does she juggle the demands of a husband and a home full of preteen children, she manages the household finance, and can…

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